XMen go Camping
by Be Kat
Summary: What happens when Logan takes his class out for a camping trip? Xcatastrophies are just behind, Chapter Four up finally
1. Pink Pack and an Emetic

**Disclaimer: **Nothing is owned by me. Absolutely. Nothing.

**Summery: **Got this idea from a reviewer of _Breakfast At the Mansion, _Destroyer of the Elves - Thanks, this story is for you. I love to backpack, so many of these experiences are based off of my own blunders, only, well, these campers are mutants. Which offers infinenately more scope for the imagination, to a steal a line from Anne Shirley. And yes, I know this story doesn't really follow many pre-arranged x-men relationships (Bobby hero-worshiping Wolverine for example), but hey, it's called creative license people. Embrace it, live with it, hate it, I don't care, just let me know how you feel - yes, that was a not-so-subtle hint to please review! I apologize in advance for all accent errors - I'm not from down south or up north or oversea, so it's mainly guesswork here.

* * *

**Chapter One - Pink Packs and an Emetic**

"All right everyone, I already packed your shi...stuff. So grab the pack with your name on it and load up."

Logan stepped down off the mansion steps and bulled his way through the milling pack of students. Each mutant was desperately trying to find their name tag attached to a scruffy but servicable backpack.

"Can you like believe this?" Kitty was staring at the green pack with her name on it in digust. "I think this thing, like, weighs more than I do. Why did our P.E. teacher, like, decide a backpack trip in the boonies would make a good final?"

Bobby Drake snuck up behind Shadowcat and dropped a freshly made icecube down her back. Kitty, used to this treatment from the mansion prankster, shrugged the cube out the bottom of her shirt with a wiggle and a glare before returning to the conversation with Jubilee.

"I mean, if he like expects me to go on this thing, he must be, like, delusional." Kitty started at the hairy whiskers that suddenly appeared a few inches from her ear. "Oh, hi Wolvie."

"I expec' you to be on that plane in one minute."

Kitty and Jubilee, too terrified to wait for any threats, tripped on a bent-over Remy in her flight to the Blackbird. Remy rubbed the side of his head where the yellow peril had kicked him.

"Gambit tink this trip not a good idea. The femmes already beatin' him up, and he not even off the groun'."

Across the lawn, Rogue expressed a similar viewpoint.

"Ah don' think this is ah good idea sugah."

Rogue was staring mesmorized at the giant pack reclining against the doorframe. Behind her, Wolverine pulled his head out of a defective bivvy bag with a mumbled, "Damn claustraphobic tents, ... Wha'?"

Rogue cleared her throat ominiously. " Ah said, this won' work if you expect meh to carry tha'." She pointed accusingly at the enormous backpack as it slipped from the wall onto the ground with a _thud_.

"That's mine darlin'. This'n is yours." Logan suicidally indicated a smaller bright pink backpack. The gothic Rogue froze in horror as her eyes fill with tears at the indignity and embarressment of it all.

"On second thought sugah, I'll take tha monsta'."

* * *

Jean stuck her head in the cargo hold of the Blackbird. "Scott, what is it ?"

Cyclops stood holding a small scrap of paper amid a pile of boxes. He squinted at the note, and turned it sideway.

"Logan told me to find the red box that has Kitty's food in it. Apparently he forgot that she is allergic to peanuts, and needs to replace some of the food. But I can't seem to find it." Scott waved his hand distractidly at the hundred or so boxes behind him. Jean noticed absently that they were all red, her mind already on whether or not Logan would notice if she put a few essentials in his pack. The thing was already so big, what was an extra thirty pounds? She wandered circumstantly to the green monstrosity to slip in those few 'essentials' - a couple medical dictionaries, stethiscope, aspiran (Scott would be asking for some before the day was out), a copy of _Seventeen _(ummm ... for Jubilee of course) and some lipstick.

Okay, a lot of lipstick. But a girl has to keep up appearances, even in the wilderness.

"Red, what're you doin' in my pack?"

Wolverine, stepping away from a desperately crying Rogue, gestured frantically for Remy to come over and take the sobbing mutant from him. Gambit obeyed with alacrity, cradling Rogue against him with one hand while still rubbing the growing lump on his head with the other. Logan stalked towards Jean, who is glad she has already finished packing the extras.

"Nothing, nothing at all. But Scott does need some help finding Kitty's food."

A distraction arrives just in time for Jean as Rogue realizes it is Gambit who is currently comforting her. The _smack_ of her hand against his cheek is enough to still the students for a few seconds, before they return to dragging their packs onboard.

Remy stood in the midst of the crowd, now rubbing his head and the opposite cheek where Rogue slapped him. "Dis is a bad day for Gambit he is tinkin'."

* * *

Logan stood in the clearing, arching his head back and breathing in the clean, beautiful, mountain air. Bobby, trying to imitate the bad-ass of the team, stretched his thin chest in parody of Wolverine.

"Ack!"

Bobby clutched his throat. The many students sorting themselves and their packs out ignored the prankster with ridiculus ease. Only Piotr, walking by, clapped Iceman on the back half-heartedly. Luckily for the purpling Bobby, Piotr half-hearted was like a punch from most. A wet and confused insect buzzed from Bobby's open mouth. He gasped for air and indignantly froze the bug before it was out of reach.

Piotr watched as the tiny ice-ball hit the ground with a slight tinkle of breaking ice, releasing a still more confused, wet, and erstwhile frozen insect to crawl away.

Meanwhile, Kurt had become everyone's best friend as they realized he could 'port their packs out much faster than they could individually carry them. The furry Nightcrawler was happily _bamph_ing back and forth fast enough to create a blue fog around the emerging backpacks. Logan, attempting to put a stop to the teleporting, grabbed Kurt's tail the next time he appeared. Unfortunately for Wolverine, the tatooed mutant didn't notice and continued to teleport.

_Bamph _"Kurt!"

_Bamph _"Damned telepo.."

_Bamph _"Stop it, you..!"

_Bamph _"STOP!"

Nightcrawler glanced inquisatively around at the roar. "Volverine, I am doing a goot job, no?" Happily smiling and convinced he had finally impressed his teacher for once, Kurt dropped his last load and walked back to the jet, leaving a portation sick Wolverine behind him.

Logan reeled as his healing factor knocked the last of the nouseous feeling off, then shook his head. Bobby, watching each manuever of his hero carefully, decided not to imitate that particular movement on the grounds of possible vertabrae fractures. He settled for a loud cracking of his back, much to the disgust of the resident females.

"Bobby, that is _so, _like, _disgus.._"

Kitty, walking away, managed to trip over Remy, falling luckily substanceless through him. Gambit sneezed convulsively.

"Kitty, _chere_, Remy is allergic t' yaself." Kitty pulled herself back up through the solid Cajun using what looked like a cross between the breaststroke and flying. He sneezed again, through the still intagible Kitty, then walked away grumbling to himself. "Gambit always knew he was allergic t' her, she say like too much..."

Kitty, afraid of getting some of Remy's sneeze inside herself as she re-materialized, stalked huffily away and through a severely depressed Rogue. Warren Worthington stood beside her, equally morose. He picked moodily at a primary feather and watched it float gently to the ground, joining a small fluffy pile of white. He sighed deeply, then flapped one wing hopefully. A flurry of feathers followed the primary on it's downward path, and Angel desisted, turning to Rogue.

"What a time for me to molt. I mean, how was I suppose to _know _that just because birds molt, I would start losing feathers like crazy?" Rogue threw him a long-suffering glance that flicked towards the pink pack lying in front of her where Kurt had helpfully placed it. Warren in turn looked at the paniers in front of him, the only type of pack that their teacher could find to fit his unique shape. Sighing again with a sidelong look at his goth companion, Warren picked up the myriad straps and walked away to find someone else a little more sympathetic to his cause. Rogue continued to watch the pink rectangle in front of her as though it were a dangerous disease. A dangerous disease, contagious by touch, that would turn her into a rainbow and dolphin loving girly girl like Kitty.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Screaming, Rogue finally broke and dashed back to the jet. "What the hell?" Wolverine growled and shoved Jubilee's pack back into her arms. "Rogue?" He stalked towards the jet, only to be intercepted by Bobby. "Mr. Logan, Mr Logan, look at this!" The young teenager held out a handful of dark berries. A purple stain at the corner of his mouth showed he had already sampled his find. Logan stopped dead at the sight. "Bobby, how many of these did you eat?" Iceman shrugged, still proferring the fruit. Covering his face with a hairy hand, Logan bellowed, "Jean! Did you bring any emetics?" Jean's red head popped out of the jet doorway. "Yeah, why?" Logan grabbed Bobby by the shoulders and steered him towards the jet. "Don' ask, jus' get us a double dose!"

* * *

A few minutes later, Bobby stood pale and trembling while Logan gave the rest of the group a lecture on what not to do in the woods.

"Don' eat anything you pick offa bushes, even if y' think y' know what it is. These r' chokecherries. You shouldn' eat them, 'cause they'll make you wish y' hadn't. If you do, go t' Jean and she'll give you somethin' t' take care of them." Bobby turned greenish gray and staggered towards the bushes. The sound of him throwing up was clearly heard by the rest of the awstruck class. Wolverine closed his eyes, and the telepaths heard him send a prayer for patience to whatever gods he had so far left unangered. "You also don' wan' to be fightin' on the trail. We go in single file, with me as leader and Scott as rearguard. Move!" The last word was bellowed in true military style, and even Scott stood slightly straighter in response. The rest of the students darted aimlessly around until they stumbled over their packs. Nonetheless, it took a surprisingly short amount of time for a ragged line to stand for Logan's inspection in front of the jet. Bobby stood at the beginning, already recovered from his experience though still a little pale. Rogue had been convinced to carry her backpack so long as a black cover enveloped any possible view of the incriminating pink.

The line of x-men trailed off into the distance as Beast, who was driving the jet back to the mansion, informed an inquisative squirrel as to his true feelings with brunt honestly.

"My dear little Rodentia, I must tell you that my true feelings indicate that our physical education teacher is..." he took and deep breath and looked around cautiosly, lest anyone hear him, "totally screwed."

* * *

Yes! Five weeks after starting, I finally finished the drum roll FIRST CHAPTER! Please let me know if you consider the story worth continuing, because if you do I can garantee more x-confusion, the beginnings of a Romy, and a really really big bear in the next installment. Thanks for reading! 


	2. Attack of the Mosquitos

**Disclaimer: **I had this little slip of paper that said I owned full rights to x-men, but then I wrote my shopping list on the back and handed over to the boyfriend. So, until I get it back, I own nothing. Sad, isn't it?

**Summery: **Thankyouthankyouthankyou for all the wonderful reviews! I spent ten minutes feeling so warm and fuzzy before hastening to write another installment, just for you! Hope everyone likes it as well as the first one. Sorry it took so long to post, but I'm just starting school again, and zoology must take precedence sometimes. More Jubilee, as requested, but no Jubby, sorry. I know I promised a bear, but he was being so picky about his contract I had to put him off until next chapter. No x-men were harmed in the writing of this fic, but I'm afraid we had several skeeter casulties...

**Camping With the x-men - Chapter Two**

"I, like, have every rock in, like, the entire state in my shoe!"

Kitty was taking a break to empty pebbles from her sneaker, only to have Jubilee plop down beside her with a sigh. They sat on the log watching the long line pass by, their packs propped against the log. Jubilee absently popped some bubble gum, her eyes vacant. The blue orbs became suddenly sharpened as she slapped at a stinging bite on her bare arm. Scratching the area, she looked around. "Kitty, you have anything bite you?"

Kitty, checking her reflection in a compact she had luckily stowed in her pocket, seeing as how Logan hadn't seen fit to pack any of the bare necessities of life (not even lip gloss!) shook her head before slapping herself on the cheek. Jubes snorted. "Kit-Kat, it won't make everything go away, like waking up from a nightmare or something. Believe me, I've been pinching myself for the last hour in hopes it will." Kitty frowned looking over. "No, I just felt, like, OW!" This time the stinging pain was on her neck.

Scott stopped to watch the show as Jubilee screamed in frustration, swatting at the cloud of mosquitoes suddenly surrounding her. Kitty was trying to swing her pack back on, and failing miserably. The little firecracker settled for a passable imitation of an Indian war dance and whooped as she frantically tried to get to Kitty. Grabbing hold of her friend's arm, she yelped, "Kitty, phase!"

Kitty, shocked into obeying, was instantly intangible, with Jubilee following suit. The mosquitoes buzzed angrily around and through the girls for a few seconds before latching onto their new prey. Both swarms changed their heading for the last person in line.

Scott yelped and waved his arms furiously, his finger straying dangerously close to his visor release. Stumbling foreword, he hit Jamie between the shoulder blades. Instantly twenty more multiples were dancing in place and swatting at the sudden inrush of biting insects.

"What is with these herds of mosquitoes!"

Jean had lost her famous self-control and was spinning in circles, snorting the annoying bugs from her nose. Bobby was trying to freeze every fly or mosquito before it could reach him, resulting a hail-like accumulation of bug balls on the ground. Remy was digging through his pack and wailing in French about not having brought his trench coat, and trying to charge as many insects as possible in the opposite of Bobby's plan. Of the now maddened group, only Kurt, Wolverine, and Rogue seemed unaffected. The insects were unable to penetrate the thick blue fur of Kurt and seemed to avoid Logan like he'd been dipped in DDT. Rogue was shedding as much clothing as possible, leaving her in zip-off shorts and a sports bra that would have fried the brains of the boys around her were they not busy trying not to be eaten alive. Kurt, free of that problem, was attempting to convince himself that his**sister**, emphasis on the familial relationship,was not attractive, nien, not at all. The trail of dead mosquitoes behind her infuriated the other team members.

"That's, like, so not fair!"

Kitty, still phased but losing energy fast, watched Rogue absently brush another dead black speck negligently off her arm. Happier than she had been since she had seen the pack intended for her, Rogue shrugged, killing another dozen insects trying to land on her poisonous skin. Jubilee, diligently hanging onto her friend's hand, squeaked as she flickered into solid form once, twice, and then remained solid. "Kitty, don't you dare! YAAAAAHH!" Kitty had shaken Jubilee's hand off of her, leaving the yellow-clad girl to deal with the insects on her own. Logan stopped, looking back at the crowd of dancing, swearing, spinning, and blasting mutants before sighing.

"Everyone has repellan' in the left outside pocket of their pack!"

The teacher's bellow caused a simultaneous scramble for the little orange bottles as each student starting furiously spraying and rubbing the contents over themselves. After a minute or two the swarms thinned, then disappeared entirely. Sighs and the sound of scratching were all that could be heard as the junior x-men, for the first time that day, blessed their teacher for his foresight. Rogue had regained her depression, and was pulling the scattered remnants of her wardrobe on before the popping eyes of her now undistracted classmates.

"Packs on! Scotty, beam up any stragglers for dish duty tonight!"

Logan started trudging up the trail as his words sunk in to the incredulous group. Scott, his face swollen from bites, was obviously not in the mood for anything, actually growling at a startled Rahne, who shifted in shock and slunk over to her pack with her tail between her legs. The line formed again and continued up the trail, each student rubbing at their welts.

"We're stoppin' here. Packs off."

The last order was unneeded, as the gathered mutants gratefully unshouldered their heavy bags. Remy, his mind still full of the previously unseen but rumored assets of Rogue, tried to help her but was angrily rebuffed. Bobby watched Logan walking around scuffing in the open clearing, and imitated him by kicking a pinecone. Rahne, changed into her lupine form, yelped happily and dashed after it into the bushes. Jubilee, ever the confident one, marched up to their teacher with purpose.

"Mr. Logan...?"

Wolverine turned back from his survey of the little stream that ran by the camp and endeavored not to growl at the yellow-clad student. "Wha'?"

"Um, where are we going to...?" Jubilee paused delicately.

"We're campin' here, we don' eat for another few hours, an' don' drink any water until I've explained filtration." Logan answered every question he could think of that a young mutant would ask before turn away. A small tug on his shirt brought him back around, growling.

"But Mr. Logan..." Jubilee was starting to get desperate. Luckily for her, Scott stepped in.

"Alright, girls' bush on this side and boys' bush on that side." Jubilee threw him a thankful look and disappeared into her respective bush along with Kitty, Rogue, and Tabby.

"Where'd Rahne go?" His face still covered in penny size welts, Scott looked around at knee height for the familiar brown shape before a yelp, howl, and scream brought everyone still in the clearing to their feet. Rahne came skittering out of the bushes in partial human form with what appeared to be long knitting needles protruding from her right arm/hand/paw. Shifting back to her wolf shape, she scrabbled around on the ground chewing at the long thin black and white spikes.

"JEAN!"

Logan's bellow sent the students flying for their packs in automatic response before his actual words sank in.

"JEAN! GET THE FORCEPS AND SOME IODINE!"

Logan dived for the struggling Rahne and pinned her to ground, yelling for Scott to help. Jean, digging through her pack, came up with a pair of forceps and a brown bottle before descending on the wriggling, yelping, and swearing mass. "Rahne, hold still, we have to dig them out." Logan's voice was strained as he tried to control the wolf girl without crushing her under his adamantium weight.

"Hold her still, how am I supposed to pull them out.."

Logan resorted to grabbing Rahne's leg, getting bitten for his trouble, but held on tenaciously as the girl started to squeal again. Jean locked the silver instrument in her hand on one of the two needle-like objects imbedded in the mutants arm and pulled. Bobby, standing a few feet away, blanched and went to empty his still weak stomach into the bushes - on the girls' side.

Added to the now hoarse yells and yelps from the still struggling tangle of Rahne, Logan, Scott, and Jean were high pitched screams and the sound of slaps.

"Bobby Drake, you pervert!"

Bobby stumbled out of the bushes, only to have Kurt lunge at him. The blue elf, who had just emerged from the boys' side with Remy at the noise, assumed the worst. He tackled Bobby to the ground, wrapping his nimble tail around the larger boy's throat and tightening. The yellow eyes stared down into his as the younger teenager found himself dangling from Kurt's tail and one three fingered hand around his wrist on a branch twenty feet above the ground where Nightcrawler had teleported them.

"You, you dare to vatch my sister and Katzchen!"

Bobby, feeling like his head was likely to pop off at any moment, not to mention a dislocated shoulder that seemed to loom in the future, looked down. His situation suddenly seemed much better _above _the ground, where the screeching and frazzled girls below the tree couldn't reach him. Well, couldn't reach him until Jubilee realized that she was, after all, a mutant for a reason.

"Yowch!"

Bobby squeaked through the tail on his neck as a burst of plasma singed his hair. Kurt, blinded by the flash, teleported to safety, leaving Bobby stranded on the branch. Clinging to the thin trunk of the tree, Bobby moaned as another firework exploded close to his ear.

"Got it!"

Jean triumphantly pulled the second needle out to join the first, then liberally swabbed iodine on the puncture wounds, accidentally marking Logan and Scott often as Rahne continued to struggle against her captors. "Okay, I'm done!" The two men jumped up, though not fast enough for Logan to avoid a bite on the ankle as Rahne, now in human form, locked her teeth into his pants leg. Scott, looking around at the commotion he had previously not heard having his ear right next to Wolfsbane's snarling mouth, pulled at Logan's shirt in shock. Logan in turn dashed a drop of iodine away from his eye and looked up.

Bobby was hugging the tree for dear life as Kitty and Rogue screamed, Jubilee threw fireworks, and the rest of the group watched in macabre shock.

"THA'S ENOUGH!"

The clearing fell eerily silent as Logan stalked over to the tree. Looking up at Bobby, he growled, "Ge' down." The small blond obligingly slid down on an ice slide, landing behind Wolverine and peeking out around his shoulder. The short teacher looked as though someone had painted his face, with rusty orange streaks across his nose, chin and forehead matched by those on Scott's ear and mouth. Rahne was crying on the ground while Jean held her, the girl apologizing to the doctor for not holding still. Jean was trying to convince the upset mutant to take something for the pain. Jamie, finally down to just one multiple besides himself since the mosquito incident, went over to help comfort his friend.

Logan stood in front of the group of students, breathing harder than normal from the exertions of holding Rahne down. Female members of the population eyed his chest with interest under the muscle tank, trying to pretend they were paying attention.

"All right. We've had a bad start. Everyone needs to _calm... down._" He sent a very obvious glare at the still furious Rogue, Jubilee, and Kitty. "Icecube didn't mean to go into your bushes." Jean had shot him that bit of information after a swift probe through the petrified boy's mind. "Now, everyone pay attention. Rahne brought up a very important point." Rahne glared at him. "There 'r dangerous animals out here that we nee' t' stay 'way from. Porcupines are the leas' of our worries. We will be hangin' food tonigh' so tha' bears won' be attracted t' the camp, but I have to tell you to make sure that you don' invite animals in by leavin' food out." Nods answered his speech. Grunting and nodding emphatically back to prove his point, Logan turned his back on the group.

"Now, everyone get their stuff out. Every other pack will have a blue tarp wrapped 'round their sleeping bag." Still glaring at each other, the various mutants started to rifle through their packs. As promised, approximately half the students had a large blue and silver tarp rolled with their assorted sleeping bags. Logan waited impatiently until the last student had re-snapped their pack shut before continuing his instructions.

"You guys 'r gonna be sharin' these tarps. Storm promised us no rain, so I skipped the tents. Damn claustrophobic things anyway. The pairs 'r," Logan consulted a small list he pulled from an inside pocket of his pack, "Wolfsbane 'n Shadowcat, Jubilee 'n Boom-Boom, Scott 'n Jean," Logan glared at nothing in particular at that, "Icecube and Gambit - keep your thieving hands t' yourself Gumbo, or Cube has permission to freeze 'em off - Nightcrawler with Multiple, an' Quicksilver bunks wit' Avalanche. Rogue an' I 'r sleepin' separate, for obvious reasons." Rogue looked moderately pleased, then swiftly exchanged the expression for her commonly used sneer when Bobby glanced her way.

"Mr. Logan, like, how do we set them up?"

"Easy kid. Jus' lay out the tarp, set out the bags, and roll both bags up. Helps if'n the silver sides in, keeps y' warmer. 'Kay, so next order of business. Water. You got to filter 'r boil all your water 'fore drinking it. We'll be fillin' bottles in the mornin', so..." At this point most of the students had stopped listening, instead, looking inquisitively around themselves instead or staring vapidly at Logan. Jean, watching the group and Scott at the same time, pushed her husbands hand away from scratching his face yet again and sighed. It looked to be a long weekend.

Sorry it took me so long, you wonderfully patient reviewers!

**Morgaine of the Faeries: **Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I love to hear how much people like my stories, and the fact that you rarely review makes it even more special. As for Romy, I figured on making Rogue having this act that Remy breaks through – tho the muses haven't let on for sure yet!

**Flare: **Yes, well, you know Logan – big softie with claws

**theauthorwearsprada**Again, so sorry, but I don't do Jubby – any attempts always end up with pyrotechnic battles

**Evil Lady X, J.l., Dark Raven: **Thanks for the reviews, I'm just all happy inside!

**Elizabeth Robbins: **Thank you for the heads up, I'm not fully initiated into the difference between all the categories yet


	3. Big Bears and Freezing Beds

**Disclaimer: **I've put in a bid of $6.00 on ebay for the rights to x-men – we'll see if I got them in three hours. Naw, just teasing, I own nothing as usual.

**Summery: **Thank you so much to all who reviewed - as you can see, somebody read my mind about Rogue! I actually had the first part of this chapter written on a school computer very satisfactorily - I generally suck at romantic type scenes, being too straight forward in relationships so far to have to dodge the subject. So, this chappie is a little more drama, a little less humor. However, I wanted to get the relationship going between Remy and Rogue, which required some drama and no humor. Thanks again to everyone reviewers, I'll be giving you personal attention at the end.

For what felt like the tenth time that night, Remy rolled against the frozen log that was supposedly his mutant bed mate Bobby Drake. Shivering, the warm-blooded Cajun attempted to curl into an even tighter ball as he tried to keep warm.

_Dis has got t' be da coldes' Remy has eva' been. Da Nort' Pole ain' got not'ing on dis homme._

Turning over in his sleeping bag to face Iceman, Gambit noticed the fine crystals of frost forming on the edge of their shared tarp. Poking his head out of the relative warmth of the bag, Remy noted with disgust that the one and only place frost was forming happened to be, uncannily enough, on the inside of their bedding. Tucking himself as far away from the freezing mutant as was humanly and mutantly possible, the Cajun tried yet again to sleep. Trembling convulsively, he considered charging his sleeping bag, but discarded the idea when the memory of a detonating egg intruded. Gambit had learned the hard way that you cannot heat an egg using kinetic energy instead of the microwave, and felt no particular desire to be killed by his own sleeping bag.

_It has t' be warm'r out dere._

Wriggling his way cautiously out of the tarp, the ex-thief was soon standing upright outside his so-called 'shelter'. The now thawing but soggy sleeping bag thrown over a shoulder, Remy looked around, his eyes adjusting to the moonlit night.

The five double beds were strikingly obvious mounds spread throughout the clearing. Logan breathed softly under the cover of a tree at the edge of the stream, lightly sleeping through the quiet disturbances Remy had made extracting himself from his icicle bed. His erstwhile bed behind him crackled as another ice layer formed. Gambit sighed and contemplated his options. He needed a place to stay tonight. Doubtless tomorrow he could convince Wolverine to allow him a single sleeping arrangement, but who could he try to bunk with for now?

_Lance an' Pietro 'r non good. I heard Lance say dat Pietro kick hi' speed all night long. De femmes 'r off limits. Kurt an' Mult'ple? Kurt tell me dat Jamie non good t' sleep wit', but he can' be worse 'n Bobby. _

Glancing around, Remy's eyes lit on a neatly folded but seemingly empty tarp set ever so slightly apart from the rest.

"Rogue? Rogue, chere?"

Gambit began to become nervous as his repeated quiet attempts to find Rogue's whereabouts received no answer.

"Rogue?"

"Gawd Swamp Rat, ah'm here."

Gambit turned to see Rogue in her simple yet revealing tank top and shorts, combat boots unlaced, coming from the 'girls side' of camp. He relaxed, running an interested gaze over her mostly uncovered body. But most noticeable to his darkness adapted eyes was the lack of heavy make-up the Goth usually wore. Without her black mask, she looked younger, gentler, and far more approachable.

"Remy get worry'd when he see y' not in y' bed."

Rogue walked around him, giving him a wide berth from her bare arms and legs. "Ah don' need anyone t' worry. Ah'm a big girl now." She smiled, an expression that behind black lipstick looked fierce and aggressive, yet managed to be almost humorous and kindly displayed between her naturally pink lips. Remy wondered why she ever wore any make-up, she was so beautiful without it.

"Good-night."

"Cou' Remy have a word wit' Rogue?"

Rogue turned to face the Cajun, who dropped his sleeping bag behind him before approaching. He already wore a long-sleeve shirt and his gloves from earlier attempts to stay warm next to Bobby, and the addition of his trench coat added only more protection. Rogue's eyes flicked over his defined body before deciding that he was covered enough to come near her. Standing askance and crossing her arms protectively over the small amount of cleavage visible from the neckline of her top, the Rogue automatically clenched her jaw and flung her head up, ready for a fight. Remy kept coming closer, auspiciously watching the green-eyed southerner. He stopped within half an arms length and reached out to touch her face. Rogue flinched and jumped backward, looking over at Logan's lump as it stirred at her noisy inhalation. She turned back to glare at the Cajun, whispering hoarsely.

"Are y' insane! Don' touch meh."

"Why no' Rogue? Why can' I touch y' when Remy's cover' head t' toe?"

Rogue shook her head, refusing eye contact and shivering suddenly. She hadn't missed the brief use of first person in Remy's sentence. "Ah don' wan' anymore people in mah head Remy. Least of all y'." The last was spoken with more of her typical biting hatred than Remy had heard since the beginning of their conversation. Turning around, Rogue started to walk back to her bed, her boots making a slight whisper as they rubbed against her bare ankles. Remy, lost for what to do, grasped her wrist before he considered the implication.

Rogue froze for a second before turning furiously around. "Y're askin' for trouble, Cajun!" she hissed furiously, shaking his gloved fingers off her arm. "What if y' had a hole in y' glove? What if ah touched y'?"

Remy turned his hands palm outward, showing the two ungloved fingers tucked carefully back. "Remy is alway's careful. Tink abou' it, when has Remy eva' no' been careful?"

Rogue's eyes lost their green blaze as she remembered her numerous encounters with the other student. The southerner realized that he always had his gloves on, and usually a long sleeve shirt or his trenchcoat. She had assumed that was what he wore on a daily basis, but then recalled times when she had chanced to see him in the company of others, the gloves tucked in a back pocket, and the coat hung carelessly over a chair or his arm. Only when she appeared did the partially fingered leather get put back on, the coat wrapped equally carelessly around his frame. Speechless for moment, her mouth opened in an o of surprise, eyes wide. Remy, taking this as an encouraging sign, encircled her wrist again. She instantly stiffened in preparation of battle.

"All tha more reason for y' to leave meh alone. No one should have to do tha' for meh."

Remy, still hanging dangerously onto her elbow, leaned in. Rogue, her mind unconsciously rising to the obvious challenge in the Cajun's stance, straightened and glared back into his red on black eyes.

"Mebbe dat is for me t' decide."

Bringing his face closer, Remy breathed on the smooth surface of Rogue's mouth and watched her from only mere inches away. Her eyes were so beautiful.

"Ewwwww, that is, like, so, like, totally GROSS!"

The closest tarp behind them erupted as Kitty sat upright in her bag yelling. Beside her, Rahne sat up as well, a white bandage still wrapped around her arm. Kitty pointed at her bed mate accusingly, unable to see the darkly dressed mutants frozen mere feet away.

"You just, like, licked me! That is, like, so not okay!"

Rahne wailed. "I'm sorry, it was an acci..." Logan's growl cut across her apology as the leader turned over under his tree. Everyone else, tired from the day's hike, remained asleep.

"Ge' back t' sleep 'fore I take tha' powder stuff 'way from you half-pint."

Kitty clutched the compact to her chest protectively, and slid back down beneath the tarp. Her furious muttering died away, although it could clearly be see that one of the lumps was now pressed against the far side of the tarp from the other. Rogue pushed Remy away before stalking back to her single bed and climbing in. After the light crinkle of tarp plastic as she settled, the clearing was once again silent.

Remy glared ferociously at the tarp containing Shadowcat and Wolfsbane and resisted the urge to 'heat' their sleeping bags a little. He walked sulkily over to Kurt's bed and nudged it. It looked impossibly full for only two people.

"Vat do you vant!"

The blue elf's head poked out of his sleeping bag and blinked bleary yellow eyes. Gleaming in the dark, the eyes worked their way up Remy's body until they found his face. Remy leaned down and spoke quietly.

"Remy needs a place t' sleep. Bobby is keepin' him awake." _More like freezin' Remy awake _though Gambit darkly, his mood shattered by the abrupt removal of Rogue. Kurt shook his head.

"I vould love to help you, but.." A foot shoved itself out next to Kurt's head. The blue mutant pushed it down irritably. "But ve are already full. Jamie multiplies ven he sleeps, and I haf seven people in here already!"

Remy's eyes widened. A living, warm blanket. He had to get in there! "Remy will switch wit' y'. Y' can sleep wit' Bobby, an' Remy will stay 'ere." Kurt sat up with trouble, swearing as he shoved another foot back down. "Mien Gott! Too many veet! You mean it? You vill svitch?" Remy nodded vigorously. Kurt disappeared from the bed, appearing next to Remy a moment later. Waving away the puff of blue smoke, Gambit watched the German student hopefully. Kurt smiled.

"The bed is all yours!" Kurt walked over to Bobby's ice sheeted tarp and crawled in, taking Gambit's mostly dried sleeping bag with him. Remy grinned and wriggled his way between the warm, sleeping Jamie bodies until he could once again pull the tarp closed over his head. Wrapped in pleasant warmth, Remy tried to fall asleep but found himself besieged with images of deep green eyes close to his. Turning over and taking a Jamie with him, Gambit shoved an arm out of his face and attempted to relax.

_A' leas' Remy is warm. Dat counts f' someting_

xXx

The next morning dawned warm and early, the slight morning chill driven away by not only the rising sun, but also the antics of the intruders.

"Amara, I didn't mean to!"

Bobby ran from the irate Magma, dodging fireballs as he sprinted towards the relative safety of the adults. "Loooogaaaan!" Diving under Logan's bedding, Bobby peeked out and created an ice patch directly in front of the still charging Amara. Slipping and swearing, she landed with an undignified "ooof!" on her tender tush. Jean rushed over, then drew back hurriedly as she came within an inch of losing her hand to extreme heat. Luckily for all concerned, Logan chose that moment to hold up Jean's stash of the pervious day, looking confused.

"Who put th' lipstick in my pack?"

All the females rushed together in a pack, aiming for the small red tube. Jean, telekinesis working faster than even Jubilee's feet at the idea of lipstick theft being committed on _her _Maybelline, snagged the make-up from Logan's hand before he could react and stowed it in her pocket.

"Forgot about that, sorry Logan." She walked over to Scott's and her bedding, smiling serenely at the glaring girls. Logan ran a hand over his face and looked at Bobby. "Wha' was tha' 'bout Cube?"

Bobby stood and dusted himself off before cracking his neck loudly. Jubilee threw him a dirty look before turning with the rest of the girls and heading back to the main camp. "I was starting a fire, and I found this magazine, right? But I guess it was Amara's or something, because she saw me burning it and just threw a fireball at me before I could do anything!"

Logan closed his eyes and turned partially away, then spun back. "Wha' was the name of the magazine?"

"_Seventeen. _I found it over by your pack, so I figured it couldn't be one of the girl's. She just saw it and went ballistic though." Bobby shivered, remembering his close shave. The group of girls, having just reached the fire pit, stopped dead at the desecration they saw there and huddled together in mutual anguish.

Jean alone retained the power of speech. "Logan, what have you done to my magazine!"

xXx

Only Rogue stayed apart from the crush, her heavy black make-up already on, and a glower on her face when she looked at the Cajun making Remy swallow nervously as she approached. In his apprehension, a pot Kitty was trying to cook in began to glow and exploded oatmeal everywhere. Gambit took the opportunity to make his escape into the boys side of camp.

"I'm so, like, disgusted right now! First a girl licks me, then I get covered in oatmeal."

Avalanche, luckily for him, was folding his tarp in front of him at the time of the oatmeal explosion. Shaking the pieces of half-cooked grain from the dusty blue square, Lance grinned.

"Well, could have been worse Kit-Kat." Kurt glared at him at he tried to comb pieces of oatmeal from his fur. Katzchen was not for the likes of Avalanche, the pitiful earthshaker! She deserved someone far better. Not him, of course, he reminded himself hastily, wiping sticky juice from an eyelash. He wasn't good enough for her either.

"Like how?"

Lance smiled and leaned against a nearby tree. Kurt had the sudden urge to teleport it out from under him. "Well, it could have happened the other way around."

Kitty looked puzzled until comprehension dawned on her partially through a sentence. "Like, what do you mean... oh, ew, like totally ew. Ew, ew, ew. Icksome shiver running up and down my spine, like right now." Rahne chose that unfortunate moment to appear panting and happy with three Jamies. Wolfsbane looked questioningly at the oatmeal covered girl in front of her, then managed a canine shrug before dashing off after the now single Jamie and knocking him to ground. Five boys sat up and rubbed their head while Rahne pranced around happily.

Rogue sat next to Kitty, carefully pulling her gloves up to meet the hem of her sheer long sleeve shirt. Her glower gone with the exit of Remy, she smiled at Jamie and giggled. Kurt and Avalanche looked at each other in a nearly companionable puzzlement. A loud _thunk_ as Pietro ran headlong into a tree, distracted from his high-speed gathering of firewood by the giggle, broke the silence. Their identical thoughts were loud enough to make Jean look up from her sad mourning of the much abused magazine.

_Did Rogue just GIGGLE?_

"Jamie, if y' gonna eat breakfast with us, y' better be only one. Ah don' think the pot can cook for all of y'."

Jean came up behind the still smiling Rogue and put a hand on the top of her head, slapping away a mosquito on her own arm at the same time. The bugs were still in constant surveillance for an inch of skin not anointed with insect repellant. Rogue's path could actually be followed by the trail of severely stupid mosquitoes that still tried to feed off of her.

"Are you feeling alright dear?"

Rogue scowled. Everyone looked relieved, except Remy, who had missed the brief period of happiness and emerged just in time to see the anger reflare. "Ah'm fine Jean, Gawd! Jus' leave me alone. Swamp Rat, ah wanna talk ta you." Remy stopped dead. He had been trying to find a roundabout way towards his bed, where he had left his cards. With Rogue, you just never know. Likely to almost kiss you one moment, and then try to strangle you the next.

_Still, wouldn't be a bad way t' go, mebbe _thought Remy as Rogue approached him. Standing in front of him, she narrowed her eyes, and poked the center of his chest. "So, Swamp Rat, wha..." Just then she started. Staring at the small black speck on her arm, Rogue squinted, and slapped it. A splash of blood followed her hand, smearing on the white skin. Holding her arm up to eye level, Rogue stared unbelievingly at the blood. Her wide eyes moved to Remy, who was also looking at the blood on her arm with his mouth open.

"Mon Dieu." The quiet breath of French made the hair stand up on the back of Rogue's neck. She blinked uncomprehendingly at the blood, then jumped as another mosquito landed on her. The two mutants watched in amazement as the black insect walked around oblivious to his prey's deadly skin. Rogue slapped at it, leaving another small smear of red.

"Remy, mah skin, mah powers!"

Remy didn't hesitate. Ripping his glove off before Rogue had a chance to raise her eyes from the blood, he laid his bare palm on her cheek, tensing himself for the chill feeling of her mutation's pull. Instead, cool smooth skin lay under his fingertips. A wet streak touched his thumb. Logan looked around at the small sniff Rogue let out, then lunged across the clearing and tackled Remy away from Rogue.

"Y' stupid Cajun, wha' were y' thinkin' Gumbo! Y' wan' t' be killed? Pu' tha' back on, y' dumbass kid." Standing up and getting off the more than slightly squished Remy, Logan walked over to Rogue. "Y' okay darlin'? Y' got to be more careful 'round these randy boys. Tha' goes fer all a y'. Stay 'way from Rog..." Logan froze at the feel of Rogue's bare fingertips on his cheek. The emerald eyes were wide, looking into his blue iris'. Logan, stunned, did the first thing that came to his instinctual and predatory mind. He screamed for help.

"JEEAAAN!"

Jean looked up from the few saved pages of _Seventeen_. "Logan, I'm busy here...Oh my God!" By now the entire camp was watching the two mutants. Rogue moved her hand and lightly pressed Logan's nose. Wolverine was still motionless, as if he was afraid moving would make Rogue's mutation rear up and attack him. Jean's nerveless fingers dropped the sooty magazine as she dashed over to the pair. One of Jamie's multiples, seeing a chance for profit at a later time, snatched up the magazine pages and stuffed them into the original's shirt with a conspirator smile. Jamie gave his identical form a thumb's up of understanding.

Remy, wheezing from the adamantium tackle by Wolverine, managed to stagger back over to Rogue and pull her hand off of Logan. "Chere... we...don' know... how long... dis gonna las'." He waved his hands trying to communicate his fears, unable to breathe. Rogue got the general idea, pulling back from Logan. Seeing Jean advancing, pulling out a medical kit from her fanny pack, Rogue impulsively threw herself on Remy and kissed him. Remy, still having trouble breathing, had just about decided he was in heaven having just died of asphyxia when Jean ripped the two apart. An "ohhhh" of disappointment from the younger and more innocent mutants made her glare around before pulling on a pair of gloves and taking blood from Rogue's arm and muttering under her breath, eyes distant.

"Rogue.. wha' happened?" Logan still looked like he might keel over from shock any second. Jean, locked into what seemed to be a trance, shook her head suddenly. "Logan, Scott, Beast is coming with the x-jet and some equipment to test Rogue with. If this is a hormone or some sort of ingested substance, we need to find what it is before the effects wear off. We're going to meet him in fifteen minutes over in the meadow." The red-head let go of Rogue's arm and peeled the glove off, looking automatically around for a trash can. Grimacing, she stuffed the latex into her pocket, snapping her fingers under Logan's mystified expression.

"Logan, come on! Scott and you need to come with me to get the equipment. We can't remove Rogue from here in case this place has something to do with her mutation's disappearance." Scott obediently picked up his day pack and followed Jean from the clearing. Logan, bemused, trailed after them in a state of shock. He recovered enough before leaving the clearing to turn back to the quiescent group of mutants. Glaring around, he pointed at Kurt and Remy, the two oldest students besides Rogue.

"Y' two 'r in charge. Jus' stay here, and don' do anythin' stupid. We'll be back in 'n hour." Narrowing his eyes at Bobby and Jamie, who smiled innocently back, he turned and followed the other two adults.

Silence fell for a few moments as the young mutants looked at each other, then the ground shook as Avalanched whooped.

"WHEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAA!"

Grabbing Kitty, Lance danced around the clearing, dodging Kurt as he teleported after them. Determined to fulfill his chaperone duties (_Yes,_ thought Kurt, _that's the only reason I am chasing them around... chaperone duties of course)_, Kurt tried to pull the two apart, finally teleporting Lance away and dropping him. Straight into a blackberry bush.

"Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't know there vas something there." Lance swore violently as he pushed his way out of the thorny plant. Jamie and Rahne were alternately chasing each other or Wolfsbane's tail, Remy and Rogue were staring at each other, still in shock, Remy not realizing he had black lipstick all over his mouth and cheek. Kitty was dodging fireworks as Jubilee and Magma did an improvised version of the hoky-poky.

"You put your fireball in, you put your sparkler out, you put your fireball in, and you shake it all about..." A Catherine wheel spun crazily by Pietro, who was celebrating freedom by running in circles around the fire pit. Apparently Jubilee had been improvising on her mutation.

Kurt teleported Kitty out of the way of another firework, only to land on top of a patch of ice Bobby had set, intending it for Quicksilver. Slipping, Kurt wrapped his tail around Shadowcat's waist, only to find the waist gone.

"YAAAHHH!"

Kurt spun out, finally biffing into the ice chin first. Pupils dilated unevenly, Kurt sat up and spat out a small drop of blood. He had started to stand, determined to keep the rambunctious group under control no matter what the personal cost to mental and physical health, when a roar broke the silence. Jubilee's last firework fizzled out with a faint pop as her attention wandered.

"Wha..a..a..at was that?" Amara stuttered and her hands resumed a natural pink translucence instead of her mutations fiery inferno. Rogue and Remy were still locked in each other's eyes, ignoring the small group of students gathering around them as the oldest. Kurt herded the last Jamie into the center of the clearing and poked Remy.

"Remy, ve haf got trouble."

Another roar, and then the sound of snuffling split the silence. A black nose appeared from the outskirts of the blackberry bush Lance had recently left. The earthshaker glared at Kurt. "Thanks man, you dump me in a bush with spikes and bears. Really brilliant."

The mutants huddled together, forgetting in their fear that they could have easily taken out a small army with their powers, much less a bear. Rogue started to pull her gloves off, and then realized the good it would do her. She paled and pulled back. "Ah'm defenseless." She whispered. Bobby, ever the practical joker, could not resist a comeback through his chattering teeth.

"I don't know about that Rogue. You have killer legs, even without the poisonous skin thing..." The small mutant stopped, looking down at his shirt, then looking around at everyone else, frozen and staring at the snuffling blackberry thicket. He cleared his throat loudly, and the other students looked at him irritably.

"You guys know, how Logan was talking about food last night?"

Another loud rustle and growl drew fearful eyes back to the bush before shaking head and glares answered his question. "So, hands up, who wasn't covered in oatmeal this morning when Kitty's pot exploded."

Avalanche actually raised his hand before realizing what the implications of Bobby's words were. He backed away from the sticky group, holding gloved hands out and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry man, but you are on your own. I'm not staying around for some bear... ooof!"

Tripping over a hard, furry object, Lance sprawled on the ground. The little brown lump let out an indignant squall and sat up, blinking blearily in the morning light. Remy finally noticed what was going on as a Jamie standing on his foot drew his attention from the deep green of Rogue's eyes.

"What is goin' on... is dat a dog?"

The little bear cub growled, and the big black nose in the bush withdrew for a moment before erupting in a hail of blackberries and thorns. Before the huddled group of mutants stood a monstrous bear, mouth open in a snarl, paws outstretched in ferocious challenge.

The reactions were varied among the students. Bobby froze his feet to the ground in fear, his equivalent of wetting himself. Rahne rolled over in canine form and played dead. The six Jamie's sucked back into the original in fright, leaving a dusty boot print on Remy's black shoe. Kurt actually squeaked, and teleported bravely in front of Kitty, the mutant baby blue with fright. Pietro shivered so fast he looked like a permanent smear of silver. Remy, who alone of the mutants had experience with fighting, had yet to see the adult bear and was trying to entice the baby over to the group. Rogue and Kitty clung to each other, with Rogue occasionally slipping into Shadowcat as the younger girl's mutation manifested out of fright. Lance scrambled away from the group, only to come nose to nose with another cub sitting at the base of a tree calmly eating Jean's energy bar. Amara's hands and nose burst into flame. Jubilee fizzled and popped weakly, a green spark dribbling from her ear.

They were reacting as only a team of green, frightened mutants could react. The bear cub by Lance leaned forward and licked his face with a slimy pink tongue. Avalanche yelped and jumped backwards, scaring the cub. It squealed in shock and was answered by another roar from the mother.

Kitty whispered into the clearing. "Oops." A flare behind her attracted everyone's attention. Amara had fainted, her flames extinguishing themselves after a final glow. Rogue poked Remy, trying to get his attention.

"Chere, isn' dis da cutes' dog you eva' seen?"

"Swamp Rat, tha' isn' a dog." Rogue forcibly turned Remy's head from the bear cub to view the enormous shaggy shadow standing on the other side of the clearing. A woofing call brought both cubs to the thicket behind the sow as they frolicked clumsily into the remaining thorns that had survived the bear's abrupt emergence and Lance's fall.

Advancing slowly, the sow swiped at the packed earth in front of her with one paw. Roaring again, she bobbed her head aggressively, then charged.

Aha! Another cliffhanger! That seems to be all I can write lately – my other story _An Angels Path _had a cliffie too. So, on to all my wonderful reviewers posts.

shadowcat47: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Hope you like this chapter as much!

Lovestoread: Your name is awesome, by the way…thanks for the review!

theauthorwearsprada: I'm glad you like Jubilee – She's one of my favorite humorous characters to write besides Bobby and Jean – there's so much to work with!

Morgaine of the Faeries: My mum figured I was insane _years _ago… my recent actions just keep proving her right ;) Thanks for the awesomely (there went my grammar) long review. I actually know a person like Logan – the mosquitoes will go after me even if I just poured an entire bottle of bug repellant on before they'll bit him. Irritating beyond belief, let me tell ya. I have warm fuzzy feelings all over that you liked the story so much, sorry it took me so long to update. As for Kurt and Rogue, HE obviously thought it was very wrong as well, but give the guy some slack, he didn't grow up with her, he actually only met her a short while before… so I guess it's hard to see her completely as a sister still. Eh, Kurt in my stories is always beyond me. He just does what he wants. _I _was planning to have Bobby attacked by Kitty, but nooooo…Kurt had to stick his big tail in…

j.l.: Hehehe! I was wondering if someone would ask this. Let me give you a hint, it has A LOT to do with her recent ability to touch… more next time…


	4. Gurgles, Growls, and Yowls

**Disclaimer: **I...don't own nothin', an' I cannot lie... You other readers cannot deny... please tell me you got that... //dances randomly// I really got to stop listening to the radio

**T'anks: **Many thanx to Remy for correcting me on the correct way to start a subject-adjative order sentence in Cajun...I think I'm gonna go bang my head against a wall and try to beat the last twenty minutes of French lessons out tho... To my reviewers, I send you each a Fried Monkey (Chunky Monkey Ben and Jerry's ice Cream with crumbled KitKats, cayenne and, if you so desire, Red Hots...ever so good, but keep the milk nearby1...) This chapter is short, I know, but more is coming. I promise, it will be finished… eventually…

**Hear All About It!: **I apologize with many bows/curtseys/kowtows (I draw the line at groveling...) for not updating earlier. I've been so ridiculously busy with school I haven't had a chance to sleep, much less write. And then Christmas vacation turned into a work-a-thon... I never was very good at making excuses. Mainly, I've been working on Angels Path, and wasn't really in a 'funny' mood. Don't expect much of anything super soon. As for the bear, it has decided it likes the trailer I provided, per our agreement, and won't leave... something about wanting a good place to hibernate...

As announced in _Angels Path, _I will be starting to add footnotes and reader review answers at the bottom of my fanfic, just 'cause I luv ya'll. I'm also experimenting with several new formats for the chapters, which is likely to just be a weird me thing, but any feedback would be appreciated!

* * *

**Chapter Four - Gurgles, Growls, and Yowls**

The group of young mutants were still huddling together as what was perhaps the most terrifying sight of their lives hurtled towards them. Magneto, Mystique, Apocalypse, Logan on a bad day... at least they washed on a regular basis. The sow skidded to a stop just before reaching them, seemingly unsure of how to proceed when her prey was refusing to cooperate. She snuffled absently, rearing on her hind legs to roar again. She topped even Remy as she balanced unsteadily on her hind legs before crashing down with both front paws. Rearing up again, she repeated the warning before _woofing_ loudly, small eyes darting in turn to each mutant as she bobbed her head.

Jubilee squeaked and clutched the nearest thing as the bear swiped the air again, obviously readying herself for another charge. The firecracker's unexpected lunge brought about a domino-like reaction as she blindly reached out and wrapped Kurt's tail in a death grip.

Kurt was intent on Kitty and the hulking beast before him, besides trying to mentally recite what he was sure would be his last Hail Mary2, when Jubilee's small hand connected with what was likely one of the most sensitive parts of his anatomy. His instantaneous impression was that a bear cub had somehow sneaked up behind them, wriggled its smelly way to his bottom, and calmly bitten his tail off at the base. He yelped shrilly, and teleported blindly, trying to rid himself of the pain. Jubilee, shocked into letting go by Nightcrawler's shriek, stumbled backwards and tripped over Rahne.

Wolfsbane below yelped equally loudly and indignantly as Kurt reappeared in a tree branch directly above the sow, turning in tight circles as he tried to inspect his butt to see what he was certain would be a bleeding stump. The bear looked directly up, taking her attention off the group for a moment to blink confusedly at the weeping blue mutant above her as Kurt found his tail and held it, irrationally happy it was still intact and momentarily forgetting even Kitty in his joy. That moment, however, was all it took for the entire group to be forcibly catalyzed.

Rahne, appalled at being unceremoniously squashed and forced out of her playing-dead role, abruptly changed back into a girl, grabbing Rogue's ankle. Rogue, flinching automatically away from all contact, phased entirely through Kitty and into Jamie. Jamie multiplied, a unanimous squeak of terror arising from the crowd of multiples as the original stepped on the fainted Amara's stomach. She responded with a brief flare of flame, lighting Remy's pants on fire, before groaning in partial consciousness. Bobby, still frozen to the ground, choked in fear as Remy abruptly began to scream obscenities in French and tried to put himself out by slapped his ankles against Bobby's. The flames smoldered as the ice around the blonde's feet melted, leaving Remy with burned ankles and Bobby at least partially free. He swung his arm wide to catch his balance from having suddenly liberated feet, flinging it through Kitty's face and into the blur that was Pietro. Still in his high speed mode, Quicksilver dodged the blow and then overcompensated back, running directly at the bear before he or anyone else realized what was happening.

Lance, the only one to escape the domino effect of his teammates, yelled and lunged to his feet, an ominous but familiar rumble beginning as he saw the danger his friend was running too. Even Kurt, still above the group with the bear watching him, looked down at the solid _thump _of Pietro hitting a bear rib at high speed.

The sow grunted as she jolted sideways from the impact, opening her eyes wide, temporarily unsure of what to do. The thought, so far as bears may have thoughts, was apparent in her eyes.

_Once minute you're happily terrorizing a bunch of stuck-up pinkies, and the next you can't breath because they threw something at you..._

Jubilee squeaked again at the grunt and finally let loose the energy building in her hands. An explosion of _paffs _whirled around the campsite, blinding everyone except the bear, who had turned her head away from the group to examine the unconscious Pietro. Up on his branch, Kurt tried to tuck, drop, and roll on an eight inch branch as a paff hit his highly flammable fuzz. Bobby managed to work his feet completely free just in time to stare stupidly at the still glowing hems of Remy's jeans and freeze _his _feet to the ground. Remy, whose swearing had just trickled down to an almost appropriate level, started up again with a new level of frenzy.

"Mon Dieu, ce baiser le groupe stupide est incroyable! L'un jour je mets mes cartes dans mes bottes! Brotherhood, ici je viens!3"

Another rumble as Avalanche hid behind a tree knocked most of the Jamies over, one of them landing on the recuperating Amara and another three tangling with Rahne. Rogue also fell, catching herself on hands and knees and cutting her hands. At the smell of the blood, however faint it was, the sow swung her head back away from Pietro. Still growling, she began to advance until Remy, having finally remembered that he could, in fact, charge anything, snatched Kitty's compact from her trembling hands in a moment of solidity. Charging the blue round shape, the Cajun thief flung it as hard as he could at the stalking behemoth. It exploded just before hitting the bear, and she promptly and confusedly sat back on her haunches. Kurt, startled, fell out the tree and landed with a loud _thud _on top of Pietro. At this the bear had had enough. Explosions were one thing, being hit was another, but occasional brimstone-smelling blue mutants falling from the sky? Not to mention the high-pitched keening of Kitty as she fell to her knees.

"Like, this cannot be happening to me!!"

Snorting, the large black furry shape turned and hurtled back into the bush where she came from. The cubs, after their initial squalling, were silenced. The eleven remaining mutants stared at each other, then looked about them. Each tried to take stock of their fellows as swiftly as possible.

Kurt was singed from head to foot, holding his tail gingerly and ignoring Pietro, who groaned on the ground, holding his head.

Rogue stood with her mouth open and her eyes nearly crossed as she tried desperately to gain some sight back. One of Jube's fireworks had passed within an inch of her face.

Kitty was still wailing, but had turned to beat on Remy, who was too busy trying to defend himself against the distraught Shadowcat to notice his feet had finally thawed.

Bobby, Jamie, and Rahne were all ducking as the half-blind and now mostly conscious Amara threw random fireballs. Lance, who had finally gotten up the courage to peek out from behind his tree, flattened himself in his prior position when a flame came perilously close to taking his nose off as the Nova Roman sneezed from pure fury4, misaiming her fireball behind her. Pietro had slumped back on the ground after an initial glance around, certain that he was still stunned and somehow hallucinating.

"Wha' the hell is goin' on here?"

Logan charged back into the clearing, claws out and teeth bared. Sniffing the air, he growled menacingly. Bobby froze his feet again, unfortunately just in time to for the last of Amara's fireballs to explode against the tree next to him. Wincing, the sound of ice streaming from his hands to the smoldering tree was unnaturally loud in the now graveyard silent patch of ground. The students glanced every which way except at their teacher, whom Rogue was still squinting to make out.

"Gumbo?"

Remy released Kitty's wrists, breaking from their stricken tabloe and coughed. "Remy c'n explain dis... somehow..." He tried smiling at Logan, earning him a flinty glare from the Canadian. "Uhh... y'wan' some oatmeal?" The nervous thief picked up the overturned breakfast and waved the cook pot about indiscriminately, neatly sailing it through Kitty's head. Logan closed his eyes.

"Blue?"

"Mr. Logan, zere vas zis bear, and eet tried to eat us..." Kurt, still hugging his tail, shuffled as Logan opened his eyes again only to glare intently at him, the German's accent becoming more pronounced under stress. Rogue sighed theatrically as she stepped forward.

"Logan, ah can explain. We were all covered in food, y'see, and when this bear came out'a the woods, we had ta protect ourselves." She smiled, blinking her green eyes innocently, and watched Wolverine melt slightly. "Ya see, if it weren't fer Remy, we might have been eaten." Gambit puffed himself up slightly at the Southerner's praise, only to deflate when Logan placed a fully recovered glare on him.

"Oh, goodness."

Scott and Jean looked around the clearing as they followed Logan. Blackened craters randomly pocked the dusty surface from Jubilee and Amara, not to mention the twisted bits of metal, all that was left of Kitty's compact, lodged in the ground. A mirror shard shimmered from its perch in a tree trunk. Scott actually opened his mouth to say something, only to snap it shut when Rahne abruptly shifted back into her human form and shoved a hand up Jamie's shirt.

"Rahne! Show some manners..." The prepared speech on respect died on Jean's lips as Wolfsbane triumphantly waved the recovered magazine. It was a true mark of everyone's trauma that the only result was a feeble sputter of paffs on Jubilee's part.

Logan flexed as he stood tensely and sniffed the air again. The women perked up slightly, much to the male x-men's dismay. Bobby was the first to speak.

"Mr. Logan," he began, a whining tone in his voice drawing the feral attention of his hero, "I'm stuck."

The rest of the mutants giggled uncertainly, breaking the tense silence. Logan drooped, his head and shoulders hunching, before straightening unexpectedly.

"Right, everyone star' cleanin'. Now. I wan' t'hear all about it later." The students started to move around the camp, cleaning what they could. Kitty took the cook pot from Remy, rolling her eyes at his unconcerned shrug.

"You are like, so totally stupid."

Seeming to feel that this summed all behavior, past, present and future, of the Cajun, Shadowcat stomped off to the fire. Once there, she yelled imperiously for Amara to 'come, like, light this, like, dumb thing'. Kurt followed her like a lost puppy, carefully sitting so as to spare his tail.

* * *

1 Milk is the best thing I've ever found for overheating of the taste buds, even better than ice cream. Discovered that when a certain Cajun bud //coughgurgleRemycough// fed me gumbo without a warning... puck //sticks tongue out//

2 Catholic prayer for protection, I think... anyone out there know for sure? I believe the Our Lord is forgiveness...

3 "My God, this stupid group is unbelievable! The one day I put my cards in my boots! Brotherhood, here I come!" Pardon my French... in more ways than one... Many and gracious thanks to my own lovable Remy for checking my translation //swoops, glomps, hugs, kisses, and then runs madly from an irate Vina// If you can translate French give me a shout so I can hug your feet.

4 Have a friend that does this. Get her angry, and she'll sneeze you to hell and back. Some reflex thing, like yelling when someone scares you, but much weirder.

* * *

General Apologies for not updating sooner... and thanx for the reviews. They gave me an entire plethera of warm fuzzies that are now rampant in my room...

**beanrox: **Well, Wolvie didn't quite save the day... he was much to busy raiding my fridge actually... long story //sighs// Still, thanx much for the review, and hope you like this next chapter. Sorry the update took so long //begins to duck and weave, just in case beanrox decides to throw something//

**kittycatslegacy: **I would like to steal your name. Too bad it's taken... Yes, the bug thing will be fully explained NEXT chapter - I'm bad, I know. Know what you mean about Gambit; I love Rogue, in fact she's one of my fav characters, but I could never see her letting anyone close, much less anyone else like Remy wanting to be close if it meant some serious floor time. Hot cocoa and wookie cookies to you!

**theauthorwearsprada: **Actually wore Prada the other day. Killed my feet... thought I'd let you know, don't let the significant other talk you into wearing something that makes you as tall as him when he's 6'3"... //becomes brisk// on to your fab review. Thanks for the hokey pokey scene like - hope Amara and Jubes live up to your expectations this chapter. And //cringes// so many people wanted an update... and I didn't update... //hides face in pillow// Still loves your review

**Morgaine of the Faeries: **Yeah, it has got to be three a.m. again. I still have to triple check your name to make sure it's right after I type it. Maybe next time I'll think of cut and paste _after _I start thanking you for your wonderful reviewing skills. Remy... ah, Remy, where can I begin. Rogue in my fic, by the way, is a little closer to the Rogue in the movie if you will - still the bad-ass goth like Evolution, but softer than her. Liked the chocolate, but you can have the gall bladders back... not that I don't 'preciate it, but luv, have you ever seen a gall bladder//shudders// Here's some M&M's to soften the return ;-)

**j.l.: **Glad you like, and here's the update! Keep up with the reviewing

**shadowcat47: **Luv you! You were the first and scarily fast reviewer for last chapter... promise to be the same this one? Pretty please? Glad you liked, hope to deliver the same action and humor this time


End file.
